| Neil Laurenson |
| Nelson or Nelly (the youngster not the old one!) |
| 18 |
| 5ft 10" |
| 10 1/2 stone |
| Left Wing or central midfield |
| Student or casual worker at Valhalla Brewery |
| Joe Cole |
| Aberdeen |
| Ryan Giggs |
| Dad |
| Football needs creativity so don't be afraid to try something flamboyant or outrageous |
| At any one time it is estimated that 0.7% of the world's population are |
| Having to play "home" games in Yell and the smell of fag reek |
| Some folk believe I look like snooker player Ken Doherty |
| a young Tara Reid |
| Snooker, fishing and doubles matches of short tennis |
